Tuesday, March 29, 2005 The Vatican In a move that shocked the religious world, God has released Pope John Paul II into the custody of humankind. The move comes following several valiant, but ultimately failed, attempts by God to welcome the pope into His waiting arms. "Look, I'm just tired." God declared in a press conference held earlier today. "I did the Parkinson's, the flu thing, the trouble breathing, everything I could think of. But he just kept coming back with the medicatio...
Tuesday, March 29, 2005 The Vatican In a move that shocked the religious world, God has released Pope John Paul II into the custody of humankind. The move comes following several valiant, but ultimately failed, attempts by God to welcome the pope into His waiting arms. "Look, I'm just tired." God declared in a press conference held earlier today. "I did the Parkinson's, the flu thing, the trouble breathing, everything I could think of. But he just kept coming back with the medicatio...
I am not perfect. Sometimes, I make mistakes. Yesterday, I made a mistake. I thought about sleeping. It was shortly after I had woken up. For some reason, it just popped into my head. I thought, hmm, I've been asleep for the past 6 hours. I don't know what happened in those 6 hours. I don't remember the moment falling asleep. I can't even remember why I woke up. How did I wake up? I don't know about you, but voluntarily detaching myself from the planet for 5-8 hours a night is somewhat...
Link So here's a stroke of genius...If you don't like what the teacher is teaching, sue them. This is what the Florida House has decided. This is perhaps the easiest piece of legislation to abuse in recent ever. This law gives students the right to sue if they feel their beliefs are not being respected, if they feel they are being singled out for ridicule, or if a professor refuses to acknowledge their beliefs in the course of their lesson. I'm on my way out the door and don't re...
I've read a couple of news articles in the past couple of days that have brought up some mixed feelings in me. Over the last 48 hours, I have read about a man that was cleared of drunk driving charges, and another who received a verdict of not guilty for the murder of his father. The reason these two men were not found guilty is that they claimed to be sleepwalking when they committed their respective crimes. Now, I can understand and agree with the fact that if you are sleepwalking, ...
Link Alright, in the great tradition of the Golden Globes, the Emmys, the Oscars, the People's Choice, and Tony Awards, I would like to present the first installation of my personal award system...the Stupids. I will dispense these awards whenever I see fit, whenever I see someone that shatters my faith and makes me think that the dolphins are one step closer to becoming the dominant species on this Earth. Today's award goes to Phil Dederer, who has sued the Roads and Traffic Authorit...
Link Well, the link is there, and its funny, but I've become so jaded by my months of blogging that unless it has something to do with Bush clubbing baby seals as reported by the BBC, I don't think enough of you will click on it, nor will enough of you be back here to complain about the bias. So then, a quick recap of the angry bed positions: 1) "The 11." The two parties lay rigidly on complete opposite sides of the bed. 2) "The K." One party lays rigidly, while the other turns aw...
Link Well, you all know me by now, tirelessly seeking to enlighten humankind, callously ignoring any and all reference to my own personal well-being, constantly in search of information that will make everyone's life more enjoyable. Today, I bring you condoms. You're welcome. Just a slight mention of the new and exciting technology that are being introduced in the condom field. 1) The vibrating condom. 2) The ice condom. 3) The musical condom. Hmm...interesting, isn't it? Tech...
Link As you all know, I constantly scour the world in search of the objectionable and asinine. Well, Harvard has come through for me with flying colors today. Apparantly, the editorial staff of the Harvard newspaper is objecting one student's business venture, which offers to send maids to clean students' dorm rooms. Why is this bad, you ask? Because it serves to accentuate the economic differences of the student body at Harvard. Really? No...really? I hate to break it to these fo...
Alright, it appears that certain people want to play a little game. That's fine. Philomedy loves games. Let's play. I will now bring forth a series of questions, which I want answered completely, without the use of the Bible as a reference. Although it should be clear that I am writing this as a response to a specific article (and we all know what that article is), everyone should feel free to play. Games are fun, after all. So here goes: 1) Prove God exists. (without citing the...
Link So there is a group called We Are Family. This group has devised a video meant to stress the importance of togetherness. This video contains a large variety of cartoon characters. Guess why Conservative groups are pissed? Apparantly, Spongebob has a marginal role in this film. Oh no. Anyways, this is old news and hardly worth writing about. What is disturbing, however, is a sentiment attributed to one of the opposition groups, the American Family Association. It basically says...
Link Well, it happened. You knew it was going to. It did. In a continuation of one of the most asinine trends that I have ever witnessed, malls are now shopping around for new things to call their Easter Bunnies. Why? Because Easter is a Christian holiday, and we can't have Christian holidays mentioned by name, can we? Forget the fact that its a giant rabbit passing out multicolored pastel eggs made of chocolate and other candy. Forget the fact that this is more detached from Chris...
So, after all these months of discussion and laughter, I feel it is finally time to put a face with the viewpoints. This is me. Nice to meet you.
I've been trying for the past week to get my picture up on the site, and I can't. Can someone help me out here?
Tuesday, March 8 2005 Chicago, IL Jerry Falwell has begun pushing an initiative to eliminate the presence of sponges and Brillo Pads from American homes. Coming on the heels of, and indeed inspired by his crusade against the homosexuality of Spongebob Squarepants, this latest stunt has many of Mr. Falwell's critics, and even some of his supporters, claiming that he has finally snapped. "The man's lost it," one high ranking supporter said on condition of anonymity. "I mean, we're just...