God Surrenders

Releases Pope to Custody of Mankind

Published on March 29, 2005 By philomedy In Humor

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

The Vatican

In a move that shocked the religious world, God has released Pope John Paul II into the custody of humankind. The move comes following several valiant, but ultimately failed, attempts by God to welcome the pope into His waiting arms.

"Look, I'm just tired." God declared in a press conference held earlier today. "I did the Parkinson's, the flu thing, the trouble breathing, everything I could think of. But he just kept coming back with the medication, the therapy, the tracheotomy. And then I wake up in the morning, grab my Special K, turn on the TV, and what do I see? Him! Always! Every Goddamn morning at that Goddamn window, waving at those Goddamn people. Enough is enough! The people want the pope? They can have the damn pope!"

God then ended the press conference, leaving amidst a smattering of flashbulbs while chuckling to Himself, "Those won't develop."

News of the pope's release quickly spread throughout the world, and overjoyed Catholics rushed to the Vatican to discover Pope John Paul II, newly recovered from his ailments, doing pull-ups from the very balcony from which he feebly waived the day before.

"To be honest, I feel great," the pope said. "God's a great guy, He really gives it His all, but I think the Catholic world just wanted it more this time out. We look forward to seeing Him again."

The pope then retired into the Vatican to prepare his sermon for the weekend.

Comments

Dr Guy

on Mar 29, 2005

Every Goddamn morning at that Goddamn window, waving at those Goddamn people.

When God says that, is it really a curse word? I mean that would be kind of like me saying Guydamn.

kind of wimpy dont you think?

philomedy

on Mar 29, 2005

When God says that, is it really a curse word? I mean that would be kind of like me saying Guydamn.kind of wimpy dont you think?

I had issues with this as I wrote it, but decided to just go ahead and use it. I think, if anything, God's the only one that can say it and have it actually mean something.

Dr Guy

on Mar 29, 2005

had issues with this as I wrote it, but decided to just go ahead and use it. I think, if anything, God's the only one that can say it and have it actually mean something.

I am not sure of that, but he sure is the only one that can make it stick!

PS I found it amusing! And my God does have a sense of Humor

philomedy

on Mar 29, 2005

Thanks for the chuckle, Phil...though I'm surprised that you havent been gently slapped by our more vocal Catholic bloggers.

I think they tend to show up later on in the day...I fully expect to get a piece of their minds by tonight.

Either way, I write these more for the chuckles than for the controversy. If I can make you laugh before I make you think, perhaps I can earn your respect before I tell you what I think.

Dr Guy

on Mar 29, 2005

They sure smacked me around (gently, of course) for my "The Pope is Dead...or at least he should be" thread a few weeks ago.

I did not lay one velvet glove on you! I just said he would go when he chose to.

Dynosoar

on Mar 29, 2005

In the event of Catholic revolt ;
Just plead the "Flip Wilson - Geraldine defense".........

philomedy

on Mar 29, 2005

In the event of Catholic revolt ;Just plead the "Flip Wilson - Geraldine defense".........

Not familiar with it...perhaps I'm too young?

Dr Guy

on Mar 29, 2005

Not familiar with it...perhaps I'm too young?

Too bad! he was great!

preacherman

on Mar 29, 2005

Philomedy, normally I would not respond to such a disdainful post as this, but being we go back a long way, I feel like we can call each other friends. So I took the liberty to respond. Hope you don’t mind.

I would have to admit this is probably the most graphic example of blasphemy that I have witness on jU since the 6 months I have been blogging. I understand that it is not on the religious site, and I normally don’t hang out on other post, but when I saw you posting something about God, you know, I couldn’t help myself. So here I am.

This post reminds me of something that happened in the scripture Acts 12:20-23. It is the story of King Herod. From the history recorded of this Herod, one would find that he was arrogant, and self-centered with no reverence for God. The scriptures say there was the day that he set upon his throne arrayed in royal apparel. He was there to make oration (Webster Dictionary; an elaborate discourse delivered in a formal and dignified manner, usually on some special occasion) to the people. Now you can see why this post came to my mind. Even the people cheered him on and gave shout saying, “it is the voice of a god, and not a man”. What the perfect opportunity for the King to divulge such important verbiage.

Such a waste the speech was never made, because the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost… Yep, he died.

I could tell you that this post offended me but one could say, no one asked you to read, and they would be correct. Further I doubt anyone would really care, based on the responses, but my reasons for responding is not because of my offence, but as a friend to a friend it is very dangerous to offend God. “Of how much sorer punishment suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God and hath counted the blood of the covenant wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of Grace”.

I realize that this is a rather long post but I don’t want to minimize the importance of what has been said. I hope you don’t mind

preacherman

philomedy

on Mar 29, 2005

I could tell you that this post offended me but one could say, no one asked you to read, and they would be correct. Further I doubt anyone would really care, based on the responses, but my reasons for responding is not because of my offence, but as a friend to a friend it is very dangerous to offend God. “Of how much sorer punishment suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God and hath counted the blood of the covenant wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of Grace”.I realize that this is a rather long post but I don’t want to minimize the importance of what has been said. I hope you don’t mind

Don't mind at all. I appreciate the advice, and I appreciate your concern for myself as well as for others. Thank you for your comment, friend, and my apologies for causing offence.

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