Angry Bed Positions

Published on March 17, 2005 By philomedy In Misc

Link

Well, the link is there, and its funny, but I've become so jaded by my months of blogging that unless it has something to do with Bush clubbing baby seals as reported by the BBC, I don't think enough of you will click on it, nor will enough of you be back here to complain about the bias.

So then, a quick recap of the angry bed positions:

1) "The 11." The two parties lay rigidly on complete opposite sides of the bed.
2) "The K." One party lays rigidly, while the other turns away from said party, in the classic "half x" position.
3) "The Upright K (name mine)" Same as above, except the rigid-laying partner is so incensed that he/she (usually she; I mean, let's face it, if there's a woman in bed with a guy, there's very little short of "It's so little" or "Why are you circumsized like one of those filthy Zionists" that's gonna invalidate the deal) actually has to sit up and enter the third dimension to properly express his/her (usually her; see prior) rage.
4) "The X." Nothing fancy here. Both parties facing in opposite directions, in "half x" shapes each. Very important fact here: NO TOUCHING!!! This may be misinterpreted as weakness of some sort.
5) "The Missing (name mine)" One partner leaves the bed/bedroom. The last straw, I know. There are subtle intricacies to this maneuver that are elaborated upon in the link, so I will not state them here. Just know that if you are an amateur, do not attempt this, or any of 1-4, for that matter.

Click the link, folks, it has diagrams. And you know how much we love pretty pictures!!!

Also, check out the genius behind this at www.milmillington.com.

Comments

Moderateman

on Mar 17, 2005

whewwwwwwww my wife and I are spooners

scatter629

on Mar 17, 2005

Hey,great link! Now, we can even number the positions as they happen.

shadesofgrey

on Mar 17, 2005

very funny.

Though I have to say, the bias against baby seals was appauling

island_gurl12

on Mar 17, 2005

Hehe, i never thought about the angry bed positions b4!

Texas Wahine

on Mar 17, 2005

I love it...hahahaha...I even bookmarked the site...

philomedy

on Mar 18, 2005

I love it...hahahaha...I even bookmarked the site...

It's absolutely worth it...Millington carries on in the great tradition of British authors like Douglas Adams.

Lurkerer

on Mar 18, 2005

LoL I think I've practiced all of those!

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