philomedy's Articles » Page 3
April 25, 2005 by philomedy
Link So there's a bit of a panic in New York, because in a couple of months, many of the names on the state's sex offender list will vanish. This is because Megan's Law, which mandated that sex offenders register with police, only says that the "most dangerous" sex offenders sign on for life. All others only have to be on the list for ten years. So. Let's just think. Where exactly would you figure they draw the difference between "most dangerous" and "just dangerous." If you rape...
April 25, 2005 by philomedy
Link For as long as anyone can remember, there has been a debate over why, at every level other than professional baseball, aluminum bats are used much more frequently than wood. The debate has reached the government level in Montana, where the parents of a player killed by a ball coming off an aluminum bat have sought to have aluminum bats banned. Bat companies have cited various studies to show that there is nothing inherently dangerous about aluminum bats, and that statistically baseb...
April 22, 2005 by philomedy
Link The supreme court in Norway has decided in favor of two employees of a company who were fired for looking at porn while at work. That is, they were at work. They looked at porn. They were fired. They sued the company. They won. Unless they work for a porn studio, I'm inclined to say that maybe the court is wrong on this one. Other than a porn studio, I don't see what profession could have "watching porn" as a suitable thing to do on the job. I don't get it. In other news, I wi...
April 21, 2005 by philomedy
Link Let's say you're a legislator. Let's say you're in the State House. Let's say on a particular day, you get two bills, one about cockfighting, and the other about domestic violence. Let's say you vote to make cockfighting a felony and table the domestic violence bill, effectively killing it for the year, and assuring that it remains a misdemeanor for that amount of time. Welcome to South Carolina. There's more to the story, though, mostly because of the gems that came out of Re...
April 20, 2005 by philomedy
Link So NASA sends a craft loaded with explosives to blow a crater in a comet to see what is inside the comet. Fine. Forget the fact that NASA has proved itself completely useless in the recent past, and that we continue to fritter away money on them while we can't fix the problems we have on this planet, at this time, which might possibly be more of a pressing issue that figuring out what the hell is inside a large, burning, flying rock in space. My guess? The same crap that's inside th...
April 19, 2005 by philomedy
Link It seems that certain state governments are aiming at making the last half of senior year of high school more productive. I am not so far removed from this stage of my life, so I can see both positives and negatives. Obviously, the last year of high school is an easy ride for students that have taken care of their graduation requirements, and they wind up ending the year in a haze of parties and official school ceremonies. My time could certainly have been put to better use than...
April 19, 2005 by philomedy
Link It appears that this has happened a couple of times, and it just made me think about how common this actually is. First, the story: Woman steals cell phone. Woman places cell phone inside herself. Victim of cell phone theft calls cell phone. Woman begins ringing. Now the question, for obvious reasons directed towards the female population here, but any men should feel free to comment with the hilarious side comments that members of the male gender are so good at making: Do...
April 17, 2005 by philomedy
I was watching "Bowling for Columbine" this morning. Something struck me as the movie ended with an interview of Charlton Heston, president (I think?) of the NRA. Michael Moore posed a question to Mr. Heston, who really made quite the idiot of himself by repeatedly holding gun rallies in places which had just experienced devastating examples of gun violence, but that's beyond the point. On to the question: Why does Charlton Heston, living in a gated mansion with guards, need to keep gun...
April 12, 2005 by philomedy
Link Alright, so legalized cat hunting. Is there honestly nothing better to do in the world, in this country? How did this even come up? Who even introduced this? Allow me to present a hypothesis: Someone doesn't like cats. Someone sees them on the street, and decides that he/she doesn't like cats. Someone says, I don't like it, I don't see any owner, I should be able to kill it. How wonderfully logical. This is truly what we need. People walking the sidewalks, gun at their side, r...
April 4, 2005 by philomedy
So I recently received word that the pope names himself. I got to thinking. I think I would name myself Pope the First, so my full title would be Pope Pope (the First), with "the First" being optional for television news anchor types. If anyone is confused as to why I would name myself Pope Pope (the First), just say Pope Pope out loud in a news anchor-y voice, and all of your questions should be answered. So, what would be your pope name?
April 1, 2005 by philomedy
It was 9 AM. I was tired. I was on a train. I had a thought: The war in Iraq is a lot like sex: no one expected it to be over that fast, and if you go in unprepared, you have a hell of a time implementing an exit strategy. (rimshot)
March 31, 2005 by philomedy
Link Comedian Mitch Hedberg has died at the age of 37. This is Philomedy, observing a moment of silence, and posting a quiet bit of reverence for the man I consider to have been the funniest, most absolutely brilliant comic that ever set foot on this Earth. If you are not familiar with him, I suggest you google his name, as his web site's account has been canceled. That's all I have. Mitch will truly be missed. RIP
March 31, 2005 by philomedy
Link Alright...while taking a shot at Tony Blair, the president of Zimbabwe referred to Margaret Thatcher as a "man-woman." I don't think I need to say any more...alright one thing...why couldn't he have met Janet Reno?
March 29, 2005 by philomedy
Link OK, so this seems to be my topic of the day, so I might as well just go with it. There has been legislation introduced in Hawaii that would have mandatory "weigh-ins" for teachers, imposing weight loss provisions if the teachers are found to be obese. The logic behind this is that children cannot be expected to take weight loss initiatives seriously if their teachers are obese. It's a valiant measure, and I'm sure that whoever came up with it had nothing but good faith in the...
March 29, 2005 by philomedy
Link Alright, so here's the thing: Obesity isn't good. I think that's a fairly straightforward statement that nearly everyone would agree with. Bad for the heart, bad for the body, bad for a person in general. High blood pressure, clogged arteries, trouble breathing, etc. Fine. But: In California, there is a program in place where obese men can have state-funded vasectomies to ensure that their inferior genetic material will not live on in the next generation. Again I say fine, albeit...