Tuesday, March 8 2005 Chicago, IL Jerry Falwell has begun pushing an initiative to eliminate the presence of sponges and Brillo Pads from American homes. Coming on the heels of, and indeed inspired by his crusade against the homosexuality of Spongebob Squarepants, this latest stunt has many of Mr. Falwell's critics, and even some of his supporters, claiming that he has finally snapped. "The man's lost it," one high ranking supporter said on condition of anonymity. "I mean, we're just...
Link According to a new study, it appears that European nation's attitudes have been increasingly negative in the aftermath of the September 11 terrorist attacks. This certainly seems to strike a blow against those that cry out against Americans' negative attitudes after the terrorist attacks. Now, I grant that few of those European nations rushed into a "retaliatory" war against those that didn't attack them, and that none of those nations have been shown to tie up naked prisoners a...
Link Thai police have been tested on the local traffic laws, and 600 of them have failed. These officers will be prohibited from issuing parking tickets until they successfully display a knowledge of local traffic laws. Yes!!! Now please, can we get some of that here? I am so tired of seeing cops show complete and utter incompetence when they are behind the wheel, complete and utter ignorance when they are enforcing what they assure me are traffic "laws," and it drives me crazy (...
I'm watching TV. I'm seeing a commercial for a weight loss pill. I'm seeing a woman on there very proud that she lost 50 odd pounds. She's happier, she's active, she has the energy to play with her kids. All normal, right? Wait. Here comes the end of the commercial. They've given me all the medi-crap about how the pill works, what's in it, what it'll do to me if I take it, why I shouldn't take it, and why I need to talk to a doctor first. All they have to do is go back to the happy woman w...
I'm gangsta. That's right, I said it. Gangsta. With an A. Not gangster. Not Al Capone. Not Italian. Gangsta. 50 Cent. Gangsta. Gangsta is perhaps the most misused word among people my age that I have ever heard. People just don't understand what it means, or how you have to use it. Am I gangsta? Clearly not, and yet, sadly enough, my previous usage of it was more correct than most, because at least I used the right context. There are two ways that people principally misuse the word ...
I'm gangsta. That's right, I said it. Gangsta. With an A. Not gangster. Not Al Capone. Not Italian. Gangsta. 50 Cent. Gangsta. Gangsta is perhaps the most misused word among people my age that I have ever heard. People just don't understand what it means, or how you have to use it. Am I gangsta? Clearly not, and yet, sadly enough, my previous usage of it was more correct than most, because at least I used the right context. There are two ways that people principally misuse the word ...
March 1, 2005 The Vatican Pope John Paul II shocked the Catholic world today when he lifted the Catholic Church's ancient ban on premarital sex. "We, as Catholics, are at a crossroad, where we must choose to embrace one evil so that it may help us strike down another," the Pope reportedly said. Although reporters could not make sense of the Pope's slurred mumbles, we were quickly reassured by one of his attendants. The Pope elaborated on his landmark decision for about an hour, ...
March 1, 2005 The Vatican Pope John Paul II shocked the Catholic world today when he lifted the Catholic Church's ancient ban on premarital sex. "We, as Catholics, are at a crossroad, where we must choose to embrace one evil so that it may help us strike down another," the Pope reportedly said. Although reporters could not make sense of the Pope's slurred mumbles, we were quickly reassured by one of his attendants. The Pope elaborated on his landmark decision for about an hour, ...
Link Allow me to present the gist of this article in lighthearted, dialogue form: UNITED STATES: We want you to join us in a program we want to start whereby we shoot down missiles that come hurtling towards us. CANADA: No. UNITED STATES: Fair enough. I guess it's just us deciding to shoot missiles down then. CANADA: Oh, by the way, if there is a missile in Canadian airspace, you have to have our permission to shoot it down. UNITED STATES: Come a...
So I was reading a sheet of interesting facts and it said that according to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg. So what does Genesis 1:20-22 say exactly?
Link Say that you have an affair with a woman. Say that you have oral sex with this woman. Say that this woman saves the sperm, uses it to impregnate herself, and then files a paternity suit two years later. Well, this is exactly what a Chicago doctor accuses his former lover (also a doctor) of doing. The man has filed a lawsuit, suing his former lover for emotional distress and "theft of sperm," claiming he found out about the child 2 years after the fact, when she filed a paternity...
Link Ok so here's the story: A woman kills her husband, who had a history of alcoholism and domestic abuse. She gets arrested and goes to court. Citing the incredible hardship that this woman must have gone through, the judge sentences her to be detained "until the court gets up for tea." WTF!!! Until the court gets up for tea??? She killed someone!!! Now, please do not misinterpret this article as sympathy towards her husband, who I've no doubt was abusive, or as comtemptous cy...
Link Well, isnt this lovely? Alan Keyes, the Republican Party's whipping boy, the man Conservatives send to fight after the first 8 options have been exhausted and the battle is unwinnable, has a gay daughter. The lunatic who called out Dick Cheney's daughter for her "selfish hedonism" was calling out his own child as well. And what did the classy perennial loser do? Kicked his daughter out of the house and stopped paying for her college. At least we know one thing now: Mr. ...
Link Well, strike a blow against the "homosexuality is a choice" crowd. German scientists introduced female penguins to 3 male-male penguin couples, hoping to see if the male penguins had developed homosexual relationships as a result of necessity or desire. Well, folks, the results are in: Desire! The penguins did not choose partners based on what the situation presented them with, but based on what they were attracted to. Isolated with the imported females, they pined for their ...
Link Alright. Here we go. Are you ready for this? First there was beer. Then there was non-alcoholic beer. Then there was light beer. Now there is (drumroll please) GAY BEER!!! Yes, friends, someone has finally manufactured a beer with the specific intention of mass marketing to the gay community. Let me just point out, first of all, that I think this concept is as asinine as saying some dresses, talks, or looks gay. That being said: Do you hear it? Do you hear the activists g...