Let me go ahead and say, first and foremost, that this article is not about the president's speech last night, because I did not watch the president's speech last night. The title was simply a brilliant little ploy on my part to get you all here. As I write this, however, I can't help but make one little point about the speech, the contents of which I've managed to gather from various front page headlines: Was everyone really that shocked that the man is still connecting 9/11 to Iraq? Com...
Link By now, I think we've all heard of the Supreme Court's genius decision that your property isn't actually yours. I believe their next goal is to rewrite the definition of the words "your," "my," and "ours," so that their decision won't leave them as nothing more than a contradiction to the English language. Anyways, I'd like to use my time here to tell the story of a hero. This hero's name is Logan Darrow Clements. The honorable Mr. Clements is the CEO of Freestar Media, LCC, a...
In light of certain problems people have been having with Natalee Holloway and boy scouts from Utah and being blacklisted, I'd like to address what I believe is a bigger problem that underlies the superficial things that most of us have been arguing about: The difference between having the right to say something and actually saying it. We live in a place where, thankfully, we reserve the right to say and write whatever we damn well please. Unfortunately, this creates a sense of entitlemen...
Alright, so we know Jerry Falwell, he of the raving lunacy? Good. We know the American Family Association, it of non-spongebob fame? Good. They've both lost it. Falwell I won't really elaborate on because he's pretty much lost all credibility with me after "Spongebob is gay", but long story short he wants you to boycott Kraft for sponsoring the Gay Games. I'm sure the AFA wants you to do the same, although they aren't being so upfront. But anyways, let me hit y'all with a couple of number...
It appears I've spurned a debate about tone. Smashing. However, it appears that the focus has been diverted to tone from what the actual problem is: No one appreciates being personally attacked for voicing a certain belief and/or opinion. The problem that people all too often have, and which I dare say has popped up again, is that they confuse opinions with people. Unfortunately, the two are not synonymous, although I admit things would be a lot easier if they were. But let us go to ...
So you all know the AFA, right? We all love the AFA. They're those bastions of human decency that keep hyperventilating and yelling about "traditional values" going all to hell! We remember these folks now? Good. They have a new thing going. They're boycotting Ford. For supporting gay organizations. Go to www.boycottford.com. See for yourself. Here's the basic gist of the whole site: "Ford is evil and bad and stupid because Ford is donating x amount of dollars to organizations that supp...
Quick question of my own: Why is it that JoeUser Conservatives carry around their Goddamn pedestals in a holster, just waiting for the opportunity to whip them out? Why is it that they can be having a civilized discussion with people of different viewpoints, but the second that someone (emphasis on the word "one", as in singular) resorts to bad debating technique (i.e. namecalling), they immediately clutch at this as a way to launch an unified attack against anyone who disagrees with them,...
Alright, I gotta get on here because bashing many for the actions of a few seems to be the trendy thing to do now. And recently, this trend seems centered like a magnifying glass on minoriites, and what certain ones do. Let me explain something to all you people that want to come on here and write your "outraged" articles and rants about how minorities cry racism and can bring lawsuits for everything and are now getting better treatment because of what they went through in the past: YOU H...
Link Alright, we're in North Carolina, where a pastor at a Baptist church has told his congregation that he expects them to sign forms stating that they agree with his political and moral views. If not, they can kindly go worship somewhere else. After 9 parishioners walk out, the remainder of the congregation votes to expel them from the church entirely. This nation is so united, it almost brings a tear to your eye. The pastor says that he's going to give political sermons, and if ...
Link A woman at Wal-Mart had a dispute with two women, who happened to have a baby with them. This woman's daughter pepper sprayed the two women, and the woman then decided to pepper spray the 2 month old baby they had with them. Is it wrong of me to want this woman strapped to a pole while everyone who wants has a turn with a whip? Is it wrong to want her tied to an operation table with her eyes held open while 100 elephant sized cans of pepper spray are emptied consecutively into h...
Link A man has been sentence to 45 days in jail, as well as ordered to pay a $150 fine and to serve 2 years' probation after making obscene gestures and obscene statements, nearly running down a Burger King employee, fighting with police, and kicking out the back window of a police cruiser. What, pray tell, made this man so angry? The Burger King employees informed him that they were out of fries and onion rings. Aside from the obvious questions that go through my head, such as h...
Link There is a health fair that is set to deal with sexual health and safety. This, for some reason, bothers Virginia State Senator Ken Cuccinelli. His quote: "They're pushing a pro-sex agenda and an anything-goes agenda...and that's what this Sextravaganza is all about." He must have missed the booths that will be discussing abstinence as well as the ones that will be pushing for safe sex. And you may have thought that Mr. Cuccinelli was done, but why would he stop making him...
Link As Florida continues to make its case as the state where the whole country's messed up sh*t comes out of, we see California, and San Francisco specifically, throw itself back in race. If the mayoral sideshow wasn't enough for you, have a look at Whore College. The purpose of this is to teach the "ins and outs of prostitution," which apparantly is in demand since the Internet Bubble burst and unemployed Silicon Valley rejects had to sell themselves to survive. I know y'all wa...
Link There is a soccer team in the Netherlands. This team has lost a few games consecutively as of late. Fans of the team pooled some money and hired a stripper, which was sent to perform for the team during practice, all in hopes of lifting their spirits. Can anyone remind me how many strippers grateful New Yorkers sent to the Yankees after the ALCS?
Link Alright, boys and girls, I'm gonna tell you a story. Try to keep up. The place is India. In India, there is a hermaphrodite. Said hermaphrodite falls in love with a female relative. Said female relative expresses similar feelings for said hermaphrodite. Said hermaphrodite undergoes correctional surgery to turn him-and-her self into simply himself. Newly male individual (formerly said hermaphrodite) approaches aforementioned female relative and says that he is ready to get married...