Link It appears that this has happened a couple of times, and it just made me think about how common this actually is. First, the story: Woman steals cell phone. Woman places cell phone inside herself. Victim of cell phone theft calls cell phone. Woman begins ringing. Now the question, for obvious reasons directed towards the female population here, but any men should feel free to comment with the hilarious side comments that members of the male gender are so good at making: Do...

I was watching "Bowling for Columbine" this morning. Something struck me as the movie ended with an interview of Charlton Heston, president (I think?) of the NRA. Michael Moore posed a question to Mr. Heston, who really made quite the idiot of himself by repeatedly holding gun rallies in places which had just experienced devastating examples of gun violence, but that's beyond the point. On to the question: Why does Charlton Heston, living in a gated mansion with guards, need to keep gun...

So I recently received word that the pope names himself. I got to thinking. I think I would name myself Pope the First, so my full title would be Pope Pope (the First), with "the First" being optional for television news anchor types. If anyone is confused as to why I would name myself Pope Pope (the First), just say Pope Pope out loud in a news anchor-y voice, and all of your questions should be answered. So, what would be your pope name?

It was 9 AM. I was tired. I was on a train. I had a thought: The war in Iraq is a lot like sex: no one expected it to be over that fast, and if you go in unprepared, you have a hell of a time implementing an exit strategy. (rimshot)

I am not perfect. Sometimes, I make mistakes. Yesterday, I made a mistake. I thought about sleeping. It was shortly after I had woken up. For some reason, it just popped into my head. I thought, hmm, I've been asleep for the past 6 hours. I don't know what happened in those 6 hours. I don't remember the moment falling asleep. I can't even remember why I woke up. How did I wake up? I don't know about you, but voluntarily detaching myself from the planet for 5-8 hours a night is somewhat...

I've read a couple of news articles in the past couple of days that have brought up some mixed feelings in me. Over the last 48 hours, I have read about a man that was cleared of drunk driving charges, and another who received a verdict of not guilty for the murder of his father. The reason these two men were not found guilty is that they claimed to be sleepwalking when they committed their respective crimes. Now, I can understand and agree with the fact that if you are sleepwalking, ...

Link Well, the link is there, and its funny, but I've become so jaded by my months of blogging that unless it has something to do with Bush clubbing baby seals as reported by the BBC, I don't think enough of you will click on it, nor will enough of you be back here to complain about the bias. So then, a quick recap of the angry bed positions: 1) "The 11." The two parties lay rigidly on complete opposite sides of the bed. 2) "The K." One party lays rigidly, while the other turns aw...

Link Well, you all know me by now, tirelessly seeking to enlighten humankind, callously ignoring any and all reference to my own personal well-being, constantly in search of information that will make everyone's life more enjoyable. Today, I bring you condoms. You're welcome. Just a slight mention of the new and exciting technology that are being introduced in the condom field. 1) The vibrating condom. 2) The ice condom. 3) The musical condom. Hmm...interesting, isn't it? Tech...

Alright, it appears that certain people want to play a little game. That's fine. Philomedy loves games. Let's play. I will now bring forth a series of questions, which I want answered completely, without the use of the Bible as a reference. Although it should be clear that I am writing this as a response to a specific article (and we all know what that article is), everyone should feel free to play. Games are fun, after all. So here goes: 1) Prove God exists. (without citing the...

So, after all these months of discussion and laughter, I feel it is finally time to put a face with the viewpoints. This is me. Nice to meet you.

I've been trying for the past week to get my picture up on the site, and I can't. Can someone help me out here?

Link Thai police have been tested on the local traffic laws, and 600 of them have failed. These officers will be prohibited from issuing parking tickets until they successfully display a knowledge of local traffic laws. Yes!!! Now please, can we get some of that here? I am so tired of seeing cops show complete and utter incompetence when they are behind the wheel, complete and utter ignorance when they are enforcing what they assure me are traffic "laws," and it drives me crazy (...

I'm watching TV. I'm seeing a commercial for a weight loss pill. I'm seeing a woman on there very proud that she lost 50 odd pounds. She's happier, she's active, she has the energy to play with her kids. All normal, right? Wait. Here comes the end of the commercial. They've given me all the medi-crap about how the pill works, what's in it, what it'll do to me if I take it, why I shouldn't take it, and why I need to talk to a doctor first. All they have to do is go back to the happy woman w...

So this came to me in a sudden flurry of inspiration, and I feel rather like Einstein must have when finally, having known about E=M for five months, he discovered a C squared lying harmlessly under the sofa cushions. Anyways: Why is it that I can stop by a liquor store after work (of course I wouldn't, being but a sprite young lad of 20, and college kids don't drink anyways) and buy a bottle of wine, finish it that night, and be lauded as being a sophisticate, but I can't go past the zinf...

Holy crap!!! I've written 50 of these things...and I was so into the last two I was writing, that I didn't even notice! You all do not know how many times I said to myself, your fiftieth article will be about how you are writing your fiftieth article. Well, I blew it. Anyways, just a blanket thanks (thanks blanket for all that you do) to everyone who reads my stuff, wether you love it or hate, or are happily uninvolved. Hopefully I've bridged some gaps, and gotten on mutually respectful...