I learned something sitting in class today. Not one of those factual things that you're supposed to learn in class, but something of an epiphany that had been waiting to hit me from the time I was in elementary school.
Do you remember when you were in grades 1-4, and every time you felt nature calling, you would raise your hand and politely say "Can I go to the bathroom?"
And do you remember the response from the teacher coming back as "I don't know, can you?"
And do you remember that this would be the same response until the you said "May I go to the bathroom?"
There was no hinting, no correcting, no real verbal connection between the phrase "I don't know, can you?" and the word "may." Really, its akin to someone saying "The television is on" and expecting this to trigger the response "cheese puffs."
Does this repetitive line of questioning seem more like torture than gentle correction to anyone? I know that I, personally, do not want to think about it when I need to go have a release. And anyways, "Can I go to the bathroom" is a valid verbal question when the person you are asking literally controls wether or not you can go to the bathroom; It just isn't deferential. Seems like teachers on power trips, really.
And that goes for "What's the magic word?" too. In my experience, a magician has never said "please" and made the woman reappear. Ali Baba didn't say "Open Please." There is nothing magic about it. If I ask "What's the colorful word?" you would not say "table."
That's just what I think.