Due to the sad state of affairs that I witnessed today at a midwestern university's campus, I feel compelled to post a friendly reminder to everyone who may have forgotten the proper decorum for walking, despite the fact that they do it every day, unless they're monstrously fat, or lazy, or a quadraplegic, or some other business like that.
1) Neither I, nor any one else, is looking at your girlfriend. She's not that hot, and no one has any interest in checking out her ass.
2) Neither I, nor any one else, is looking at you. Your girlfriend may be no catch, but if you take that to mean that you are the attractive member of the pair, you are sadly mistaken. Along with being a socially adept individual, being aesthetically pleasing is something that you will never be accused of.
3) Pick a side of the sidewalk to walk on. Once you have picked a side, remain on that side. If you see someone (namely, me) walking towards you on the same side of the sidewalk, consult your immediate surroundings and try to ascertain wether or not you can successfully move to the other side. I will do the same. If awkward swaying takes place, please adhere to the social norm of nervous laughter while we pass each other after having figured the whole thing out. We may have shared a less-than-proud moment, but thats no reason to be a jerk.
4) In the event that you see someone (namely, me) coming towards you on the sidewalk, and there is someone next to you, so that you cannot immediately move out of my way, please slow down so you can take your place behind them. It does no one any good for you to try to speed up, entirely fail to pass the individual next to you, and then try to salvage the whole thing by wedging yourself in between me and her, shoving the young lady into a snowbank in the process. No one is impressed at your sudden eagerness to get to class more quickly.
5) There is a mandatory split second of eye contact that is required whenever you pass someone on the sidewalk. I am not asking that you stop and say hello to me, I am not asking that you give me a hug, I am not even asking that you give me so much as a head nod. Just acknowledge that there is someone else on the planet. I don't care how cool you think you look with your new iPod, there are still others that inhabit the planet with you. We would like the courtesy of eye contact.
That's all I have for now. Feel free to add your own.