How Racial Profiling can Solve All our Problems

Published on December 22, 2004 By philomedy In Misc

In a brief attempt to make this world better, I would like to suggest some reforms.

Any and all Muslim individuals who wish to fly anywhere will have to thoroughly searched before boarding a plane. I'm sorry if this seems racist or intolerant, but let's face it, they are the ones who blow up airplanes. I mean, forget the fact that it is the small minority of crazed fundamentalists who blows up airplanes, because we cannot tell what they look like right away. Because of this small setback, anyone who kinda sorta resembles or sounds like them will be searched.

Any and all caucasian individuals who wish to enroll in a school for the purpose of educating themselves will be searched every day before entering the premises. I'm sorry if this seems racist or intolerant, but let's face it, they are the ones who shoot up schools. I mean, forget the fact that it is a small minority of maladjusted or otherwise dissaffected white people who grab assault weapons and empty round after round into our nation's future and educators, because we cannot tell what they look like right away. Because of this small setback, anyone who kinda sorta resembles them will be searched.

Any and all Hispanic and/or Black individuals who wish to congregate anywhere in groups of more than 2 will be subject to any surveillance that local legal authorities deem necessary. I'm sorry if this seems racist or intolerant, but let's face it, the Blacks and the Hispanics are the ones that bring drugs and gang violence into the United States. Forget the fact that it's a small minority of Blacks and Hispanics who run drugs and belong to gangs, because we cannot tell what they look like right away. Because of this small setback, anyone who kinda sorta resembles them will be put under constant surveillance.

Any and all Christians who wish to visit any sort of clinic that might perform abortions, or any sort of facility that performs research on stem cells will be searched, because let's face it, they are the ones who blow up abortion clinics. Forget the fact that its a small minority of crazed Christian fundamentalists who blow up medical facilities, because we cannot tell what they look like right away. Because of this small setback, anyone who kinda sorta resembles them will be searched.

Any and all caucasian individuals who wish to purchase or rent any sort of truck will be thoroughly searched and background checked. I'm sorry if this seems racist or intolerant, but let's face it, they are the ones who fill said trucks with fertilizer and blow up large federal buildings. Forget that fact that it takes a deranged and crazed individual to perform this act, because we cannot tell what they look like right away. Because of this small setback, anyone who kinda sorta resembles them will be searched, checked, and constantly hounded.

Comments

Danny Bassette

on Dec 22, 2004

Interesting idea, but I'm seeing one glaring flaw: Muslim and Christian are religions, not races. Or at least they were last time i checked...

philomedy

on Dec 22, 2004

Interesting idea, but I'm seeing one glaring flaw: Muslim and Christian are religions, not races.

True enough. I guess we will just have to assume anyone who looks like a Muslim (any dark skinned individual, or anyone in middle Eastern clothes, or with prominent facial hair, or a turban, you get the idea), or anyone who looks like a Christian (white, sensible clothing, maybe on the unextravagant side), is subject to the searches.

Sounds kind of silly when one looks at it like this, doesn't it?

scatter629

on Dec 23, 2004

Bwaha HahaHaHahaHahaHa,,!! ARE YOU INSANNEE!!?? Ok, don't answer that 'coz most of us here are. ( as a consequence of biological warfare, many are down with Kingbee's disease)

philomedy

on Dec 23, 2004

many are down with Kingbee's disease

Certainly you don't accuse me of this...

kingbee

on Dec 23, 2004

Kingbee's disease

it's not just a disease...it's a lifestyle, a syndrome and, best of all, it's transcribed!

im all for your plan...but dont forget to include these guys. sure they look all compliant n patriotic n shit now, but if there had been planes in 1870...

Shulamite

on Dec 23, 2004

I love that pic, Kingbee... I think I found my latest wall paper! I have on my desktop an antique post card image "visit Cuba!" But this is much better. Thanks!

As for your terrorism thing... there are a lot more specifics that can be nailed down than JUST race. That's why this is SO absurd. We don't search or monitor every caucasion student... but you better believe I monitor the ones I think could be capable of such violence. I listen to what they say in school. I don't shut out everything else that goes on, but I just know what to look for from whom. This isn't silly. Ask El Al.

As for the other racial things you said -- hispanics, blacks et cetera -- some take great pride in their gangsta wardrobe and bling and paraphernalia. You watch those. Not the others. And news flash: this applies to white kids too. Got oodles of 'em. Just like I got farm kids who are black, hispanic, and white. They love Ag and horses and all that mess. Yes, it's ridiculous when you say it the way you do; it's not race that's the ultimate flag. It's just one of the possible flags. You're committing a common fallacy; making it all too simple and attacking what you've simplified.

Would you take issue with how the police would search for the serial killer who murdered your family? White male, almost guaranteed. That doesn't throw all white males into suspicion.

kingbee

on Dec 24, 2004

but if there had been planes in 1870...

jeez i totally forgot there WERE plains in the 1870s ...the great plains. and that damn crazy horse tried to hijack them from nice ol general custer. add em to the top of the list.

philomedy

on Dec 24, 2004

We don't search or monitor every caucasion student... but you better believe I monitor the ones I think could be capable of such violence.

That's the thing, though. They could all be capable of such violence. I wrote some stuff during high school that would have gotten me sent to counselor's offices had I let anyone see it. And there were kids who said nothing for long periods of time until they exploded. It's not about monitoring the ones you believe...It's about believing that they all need to be monitored.

As for the other racial things you said -- hispanics, blacks et cetera -- some take great pride in their gangsta wardrobe and bling and paraphernalia. You watch those. Not the others.

So one cannot dress the way one wants to dress and still be respected as a human being? I can't wear nice clothes, shiny jewelry, and clean shoes because I'm being a "gangsta?" Nice clothes mean I like to look good, nice shoes mean I like to look good, shiny jewelry means I take care of it, and I like to look good. And plenty of minorities will tell you that they could wear a three piece suit ever day, and it wouldn't change a thing.

You're committing a common fallacy; making it all too simple and attacking what you've simplified.

I'm attacking a broad generalization which is popularly made about a diverse group of people and which is based on the actions of a specific few. I'm satirizing this broad generalization by making broad generalizations about other groups, again based on the actions of a specific few. I don't think I'm simplifying any more than anyone else.

Would you take issue with how the police would search for the serial killer who murdered your family? White male, almost guaranteed. That doesn't throw all white males into suspicion.

My point exactly. You do not throw everyone into the mix because of what one person did in the past.

add em to the top of the list.

Any individual of Native American descent who wishes to purchase a horse and/or land, will be thoroughly searched and background checked. I'm sorry if this seems racist or intolerant, but let's face it, you are the ones who stubbornly insist on defending what's rightfully yours despite constant and utterly convincing arguments of "manifest destiny." We apologize for the inconvenience.

kingbee

on Dec 26, 2004

let's face it, you are the ones who stubbornly insist on defending what's rightfully yours despite constant and utterly convincing arguments of "manifest destiny." We apologize for the inconvenience.

youre pretty scary. but hella funny

messybuu

on Dec 26, 2004

I agree with you that searching individuals in an airport is as ridiculous as the government keeping all groups of people under surveillance, but I really doubt airports will end such "security measures" soon.

philomedy

on Dec 27, 2004

youre pretty scary. but hella funny

Thank you. I think. Yes. Thank you.

There is no doubt in my mind that this world has a long time of "security" at airports to look forward to. Until then, this world also has a lot of articles like this from me to look forward to as well.

on Dec 27, 2004

I wonder if it will ever push airports to set same technology as 'Total Recall', one that x-rays people walking in the certain hall. Much more secure but lot more radiation dosage.

Lurker

on Jan 07, 2005

You're a trip

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