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Absurdity in Action
Canada Said What???
Published on February 27, 2005 By
philomedy
In
Current Events
Link
Allow me to present the gist of this article in lighthearted, dialogue form:
UNITED STATES: We want you to join us in a program we want to start whereby we shoot down missiles that come hurtling
towards us.
CANADA: No.
UNITED STATES: Fair enough. I guess it's just us deciding to shoot missiles down then.
CANADA: Oh, by the way, if there is a missile in Canadian airspace, you have to have our permission to shoot it down.
UNITED STATES: Come again?
CANADA: Well, you can't violate a sovereign nation's airspace, so you have to call us and ask if you want to shoot a missile down
over Canadian airspace.
UNITED STATES: What if the missile is coming towards us?
CANADA: Did we stutter?
UNITED STATES: Uh....huh.
(insert applause here)
(insert curtain call here)
This performance was presented, written, directed, and performed by Philomedy.
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Comments (Page 2)
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16
David St. Hubbins
on Feb 28, 2005
Ahhhhh, apply a little pressure to an American and the ugliness comes out pretty easily.
The average American male is 5'9" and 190 lbs, they are the fattest, least healthy "warriors" on the planet. So sure, I'll book that action anytime, buddy
David St. Hubbins
17
Moderateman
on Feb 28, 2005
ahhhhhhh canada, the land of the fabled "adam and steve" story from the bible, the land that treasures army deserters, and builds memorials to draft dodgers and cowards. When I visit there next month I will make sure to wear my american flag shirt with "be kind fuck a canadian" printed on it.
18
David St. Hubbins
on Feb 28, 2005
ModerateMan, we don't allow drug dealers here in Canada. I've obtained your personal info from Dharma P.I. and forwarded your extensive marijuana trafficking history to Canada Customs. Sorry old chap, but unlike your country (20 million illegal immigrants - wtf?) we don't allow shady types. Good day.
David St. Hubbins
19
David St. Hubbins
on Feb 28, 2005
Heheheh, astute observation Helix. They (the French) were here before we (the Squareheads) were. It's only since the early 19th century - around the time we last burned down your White House - that anglos have been significant in numbers here.
David St. Hubbins
20
Helix_the_16th
on Feb 28, 2005
Durn those Anglos
21
Reiki-House
on Feb 28, 2005
Well I for one thinks it's typical for Americans to be ignorant and uncaring over the fact that when they use military force, innocent people die. So damn rights the US should ACT ACCORDING TO INTERNATIONAL LAWS when dealing with military action. We see what happens when they don't act through proper channels. And who do you think is going to be sending missles to the US anyways?
"Terrorists" are getting into the nuclear attack business now or something? Don't you see it'a all a big sham to keep otherwise non-pussyish people from opening their eyes and flexing their muscles? For a supremely violent and murderous military nation like the US they sure produce some dim-witted gullible and scared (yes scared!) citizens. If it wasn't the red menace (bullshit domino theory garbage for the public consumption) and communism that was scaring Americans, then drugs were substituted as the great enemy. Then after the drug garbage was done, it turned into the terrorist menace. Always something to fear. Always some scary boogeyman group scaring Americans. And it's telling how you people never seem to miss a beat. The lies started with the WMD crap. The US had to illegally invade a sovereign 3rd world country because Iraq was mean and scary and were planning to kill all Americans everywhere *shiver shake*. Once the lie became apparent, it, without missing a beat, changed from "we're getting Iraq's WMD" to "we're exporting democracy because we love freedom".
22
Draginol
on Feb 28, 2005
It's rather absurd to argue that the US shouldn't shoot down an incoming missile simply because it's flying over Canadian air space. And since there's nothing Canada can do about it, there's not a lot of incentive for the US to act against its own best interest on the matter.
23
Helix the II
on Feb 28, 2005
Reiki, "Americans to be ignorant and uncaring" is exactly my point. I'm totally wrong for feeling thing way but if I'm going to be called a barbarian I'm sure in hell going to act like one. It is very tiring to be nice to people who give you the finger anyways, globally speaking. So I'ma give the finger back.
Not that it matters, I don't dictate US policy nor does David dictate Canadian policy.
24
Reiki-House
on Feb 28, 2005
True Draginol. But that leaves bare the used-to-be-embarassing fact: Breaking international laws has become America's forte. They break them over invasions of 3rd world nations, over torture, over illegal weapons, over illegal war killings, over everything to do with military terrorism and death. The missile defence system of the US doesn't even work yet.
One things though is to think of what countries would need their missile to pass over Canada to get to the US in the forst place. Check it out. Why can't people see the sham behind it all? The use of fear as a motivator for the populations to remain sheep. The fact of an overwhelming mutual annihilation is what prevents a missile strike on the US. It's the basis behind the so-called Cold War. To think some bogus "terrorist" group is going to nuke the US with a missile makes it seem most likely that he was chewing his finger nails waiting for the scary day when Ho Chi Mihn was going to land on the shores of California. The threat of an overwhelming annihilation response will keep missiles from being fired on the US. Just like it did in the 'cold war'. And whatever happened to the Patriot missile? I knew at the time that it wasn't working out very well at all (compared to glowing US media reports), but how anyone could believe the 31/32(ish) shootdown number makes the sheep analogy all the more attractive. To sum it up, no nation will fire missiles at the US since they know they'd be destroyed in kind if they did. No incentive at all to do so. We know terrorists don't have the kind of extreme capabilities to shoot missiles at US soil. We know the nations who would need to go through Canada to reach the US are not enemies of the US.
25
philomedy
on Feb 28, 2005
Well I certainly didn't expect this rather quickly done faux dialogue to take off as it has, but lets get to it.
I'm not going to touch the whole missile defense programs is a failure thing cuz I don't know enough about it, and it really wasn't what I was trying to touch on with the article. I'm not gonna add to the US vs. Canada namecalling either, because that is not where I was trying to go with the article.
I have no problem with Canada, I'm ecstatic that y'all did the gay marriage thing, we probably agree as far as wanting Bush out, but honestly, y'all screwed up on this one. We can't shoot missiles down over your airspace? WTF?
This is basic human nature, guys. If a fist comes at me, I'm gonna swipe it away. I'm not gonna let someone sock me just because you're standing next to me.
26
Reiki-House
on Feb 28, 2005
Oh and Helix: nice.
I like honesty no matter the horrendous flavor.
27
David St. Hubbins
on Feb 28, 2005
A majority of Canadians are against the missile defense program. Our PM leads a fragile minority government and is a notorious ass-kisser. I think that's why the gov't didn't support it.
In one sense supporting MD is win-win; it costs us nothing, and while it may be a dud it may well save our ass some day. In another sense, it's even more win-win to *not* support it: since the yanks are going to do what they want anyway, the PM might as well save his own ass and take the popular position.
Anyhoo, I'm sure the USA will take the wishes of our gay Foreign Minister (Bill Graham) and gay Defense Minister (Pierre Pettigrew) into consideration
David St. Hubbins
28
couchman
on Feb 28, 2005
Ya gotta love Canadian attitudes on this one....wonder if a nuke goes off will they send the mounties? they always get their man....
Enough bashing of a weakass nation like Canada....as to M.D., it is an evolving defense system...some of the problems were simple failures in areas where technology isnt the issue.....one failed test was due not to the missle itself but a simple case of dead batteries I believe inside the silo itself....another part of the problem goes back to Pres. Clinton...while he didnt scrap the program he did cut some of its budget..most importantly specificly from the test end of the budget....thus curtailing the number of live fire tests that would have worked out many of the problems we are seeing now....
As to whom the M.D. program is geared to defend against....it is designed to defend against rouge elements within China, Russia, former soviet bloc nations with leftover nukes, who may initiate a firing of an ICBM or sub launched weapon at this nation...and while today the possibility of a terrorist group/rouge nation attaining control and launch codes for a nuke are low today(bit higher now than before 9-11) the possibility of a future unauthorized launch is not decreasing but increasing (hell russian nuclear forces still have yet to be paid on a regular basis).
29
stutefish
on Mar 01, 2005
"International Law" is a joke.
Laws are only effective when they are backed by force.
Right now, the only entity that had demonstrated any real ability to enforce "International Law" is the U.S. The EU is too busy getting lapped economically and militarily by the entire rest of the world. China is sensibly focusing on its own internal transitions and maturations. Russia is lost to us, or will be soon, for a generation or more. Central and South America still seem to be getting their post-Colonial shit together. Africa? Africa is tragically still the world's pesthole.
So it's up to the U.S. to enforce International Law. Sadly, the rest of the world can't come up with a single compelling reason why the U.S. should do so.
And no, "because if the U.S. weakens itself on purpose, the rest of us will feel better" isn't a compelling reason.
You know what would make Canada feel better? If they had a missile defense system of their own, so they didn't have to play the part of the U.S.'s Passive-Aggressive Useless Gay Uncle all the time.
(Nothing against gays or uncles; the phrase just has better flow this way.)
Canada's problem is that it wants to be considered a world player, but it doesn't have the wang or the will to actually play. (See also: Belgium.)
And a side note for all those of you who're waiting for China to step up and counterbalance the U.S.: One, dream on. Two, all regimes are flawed, but try living in each country for a year, speaking out as much as you like about their government's mistakes and misdeeds. Then tell me who you'd rather have running the world. (And for those of you holding out for an EU counterbalance: One, the combined wisdom and skill of France and Germany will make the world a better place? How? Two, bwaaahahaha!)
30
kingbee
on Mar 01, 2005
You know what would make Canada feel better? If they had a missile defense system of their own
notta problem. all they need is a missile, a base and a sign that says 'open' and they'll be on an equal footing with us.
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