They're not that hard to use...
Coming into this week, I expected my first posting to be nothing more than an inane and boring introduction. As luck would have it, however, the hands of fate have provided me with the opportunity to witness one of the most annoying instances of vehicular idiosyncrasy that I have ever seen.
I was driving around my block, vainly hoping (stupid, I know) that there would be a parking space within walking distance of my front door. For those of you that do not live in my neighborhood, let me point out that the streets running north-south are One-way, while the ones running east-west are a free for all where pretty much anything goes. As I plodded on my messianic quest for unoccupied real estate, I turned into the One-Way street that passes directly in front of my house. I slowed down to a crawl and looked for a space.
About half a block in front of me was another car that I presumed was in the same situation as I, judging by its average rate of motion and the helpless way the driver kept tapping the brakes. It reached the end of the block and turned right, and I continued forward, fully prepared to do the same. But wait, the car is coming back.
I am about 100 feet from the corner when the very same car that had given up on the street only seconds prior decides, for some unimaginable reason, that traversing the street a second time, in reverse, will somehow reveal a vast expanse of parking areas that are not visible to the normal, forward-traveling driver. I stop the car and stare. He turns around and glares. At me. As if I am inconveniencing him.
The One-Way street sign is very clear. It says the words "One Way" and has a rather serious black arrow pointing in the exact direction that motion is supposed to go. This is a point that I always took for granted, until my fellow traveler reminded me that perhaps many things are not as obvious to the general populace as they are to me. Perhaps that is why toothpick boxes come with instructions for their use.
As I sat in my car, completely dumbfounded, I addressed the annoyance parked in front of me and inquired about what he expected me to do. He said I should move back. I asked why. He said because he was trying to move back. At this point, I played what I assumed was my trump card and mentioned the strict directional tendency of the street, adding that if he had a problem with it he could take it up with the arrow, although it was not the sort of thing I would encourage him to contest. He then looked at me with a straight face and said, after calling me an idiot, that he was going in reverse, as if my previous comment had not been enough to convince him that I knew what forward and back was. I reluctantly pulled my car around his, continuing my search for parking and allowing him to reverse.
While it would have given me utter pleasure to stay and argue with the man, I would have as much success trying to explain color to a blind man. Reasoning with this individual would be akin to telling a squirrel that a peanut is not a nut but a legume. So I reason with you, my audience, whom I believe to be smart enough to use a toothpick without reading the 4-step instructional process first. The "One-Way" part of a one-way street refers to the direction the car is moving, not the direction the car is pointing. As I mentioned, I used to think this a fairly obvious point, but apparently not all things are as they seem.
I present this story and advice as a public service, and hopefully you all will spread the word and help make everyone's driving experience a little better in the future. And by the way, the pointy end of the toothpick goes in your mouth. But be careful, you might poke yourself.