How Easy It is to Rip One's Penis

Published on September 14, 2005 By philomedy In Misc

Link

Alright, so this just caught my eye as I was busy killing the three hours between my classes, and trying to put off a much-anticipated showdown with the accounts receivable department of the particular institution I attend. It seems especially fitting since my first soccer game of the new fall season is tonight at 6:30.

(I'd ask you to wish me luck, but we're playing a team from the Pharmacy School. We being a contingent known as IFC, or Internationale Football Club, made up of members from Argentina, Colombia, Mexico, El Salvador, Spain, Latvia, Nigeria, Iraq, Italy, and the United States, as well as some others which I'm sure I've forgotten. As I said, the team we are playing is from the Pharmacy School. If you're going to wish luck, I ask in all sincerity that you send it their way, for we will fall upon them like starving barbarians on a wayward pack of mostly injured gazelle. But I digress.)

I am, as I said, looking to kill some time, and I happened on this story. It appears that Chavdar Yankow, who plays professionally in Europe, was tackled during a game. No biggie. Except the tackle happened to rip his penis open. Opened a 3-inch gash. 3 INCHES!!! Now, I believe that the average penis size for men is 6 inches, roughly twice the length of said gash. I would, at this moment, like everyone to perform an exercise in order to more fully understand the gravity of the situation.

Those of you among my readers who happen to be male, I would like you to drop your pants, and any underwear you may be wearing, and look at your penis. As I am assuming that everyone is average, I would now like you to imagine it ripped open for half of its length, starting at either the base or the tip, I'm really not picky, as either way should be rather excruciating for you to even think about. For my readers who happen to be female, I'd like you to journey to your local penis and then attempt the exercise exactly as I have delineated it above.

For those of you females unsure of how to approach a penis to request what may seem to be an "odd" experiment, I suggest you take the following action: Approach the owner of the penis and say "I want to see your penis." Ali Baba could not find a better magic phrase.

Now that we've all become acquainted with the true gravity of the situation, I would like to further mention that said soccer player who got his penis ripped open promptly proceeded to get himself stitched up. He then returned to the field, where he scored (the only scoring he'll do for awhile) for his side in a 2-0 victory. This just brought to my mind the wrongly held stereotype that soccer is a safe and courteous sport (hooliganism notwithstanding). To proponents of this theory, I hold up this story as a bright and shining middle finger of truth. And I suggest a new marketing slogan for American soccer, one that is sure to rile up public support amongst a nation of fans that flock to the much-padded violence of American football:

"Soccer: You can rip our penis open, but we still manage to score."

Amen.

Comments (Page 2)

KarmaGirl

on Sep 14, 2005

You've obviously thought long and hard (hehehe, get it? Long and hard? Oh yeah) about how to mangle a penis

har,har...bad joke.

But yes- I'm sure any woman who has had a bad end to a relationship has had bad thoughts concerning the man's penis. Of course, I kept hoping that my ex-fiance's balls would fall off. Oddly enough, about a year after he dumped me, he found out that he had testicular cancer and had to have one removed and the other didn't fare too well after radiation. Poor guy. He still has most of his parts- they just don't quiet work anymore.......

drmiler

on Sep 14, 2005

have given birth to two children. Both times I required stitches to sew up the traumas to my "birthing region". Hehe, I don't think it's quite fair to hold up the male penis as some sort of specially sensitive area that women just cannot understand (not saying that you have done that, but it's a pretty common sentiment).

There are over 4000 nerve endings in a male penis. Giving brith is no small matter and from what I'm told is quite painful. But think of "ripping" through that many nerve ending and you might get a better insight to what we talk about when it comes to that.

MarcieMoo

on Sep 14, 2005

That's a whole lot of dead ends!

Ummm...okay...well...I've never given birth, and I've never even had sex, but I know that when Dr. Monroe comes at me with that condom-covered ultrasound wand to get a good look at my ovaries, it freakin HURTS. HURTS. Although I think the 3 inch gash on a penis would hurt worse, mind you...but still.

Texas Wahine

on Sep 14, 2005

Philomedy:

My apologies if I've come off as sexo-centric here I know you're not accusing me of such, but still I want to throw that in there for anyone who might.

Naw, you don't come of that way at all. Hehe...but comments on this thread did inspire me to write an article of my own.

drmiler:

Well, I asked my husband about this...he's a medic and has studied anatomy extensively...according to him (and I can scratch around the net and find info to back this up if you want) females have MORE nerve endings in their genitalia than do men.

I'm not saying what this dude went through wasn't painful, but I don't buy that the penis is some sort of sacred, magical organ and women can't possibly fathom the pain of its injury.

shadesofgrey

on Sep 14, 2005

A quick search showed that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris.

drmiler

on Sep 14, 2005

Okay, now imagine taking a full on hit to this "particular" piece of your anatomy. And for the record, I NEVER said a female couldn't understand about the associated pain.

A quick search showed that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris.

And the injury sustained by this guy would be akin to a female ripping her vaginal opening in the vicinity of the clitoris.

philomedy

on Sep 14, 2005

How this became a medical discussion I'll never understand

foreverserenity

on Sep 15, 2005

But yes- I'm sure any woman who has had a bad end to a relationship has had bad thoughts concerning the man's penis

Remember the Loraine Bobbit incident? That was some revenge!

I can't imagine what a 3inch gash on any man's penis would be like...ouch! But I also can't believe he just got up and went right back into the game!

Dr Guy

on Sep 27, 2005

A quick search showed that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris.

Show off!

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!